Best Day Trading Software

Posts Tagged ‘Six Months’

Should I start selling off some for a quick profit, or should I hold? What is the general rule of thumb?

For example, I bought JWN (Nordstrom) during the summer, and it is up almost 40%. Should I sell now, and buy more, or just hold?

I’m new to all of this, but so far, overall, my portfolio is up 20% from when I started about six months ago. I’ve chosen mostly retail stocks. I just pick stores that I like and that seem to be doing well. Not a brilliant strategy, but it has worked.

Now, I’m thinking it might be a good idea to use more of a buy and sell strategy. I know there is some benefit to holding a stock for more than a year. It seems like day trading could be more profitable for me–especially since my strategy for picking stocks seems to be working.

Any ideas???

Technorati Tags: Benefit, brilliant strategy, Building Portfolio, day traders, day trading, jwn, nordstrom, picking stocks, quick profit, retail stocks, rule of thumb, Six Months, stock, Thumb

• What's the best ultra-portable Laptop for Day Trading? I need a laptop for day trading online. I'd be taking it on trips, at my day job, basicaly carry it everywhere with me. It must be (in priority order): 1. Reliable. 2. Well built and sturdy (should be able to take some abuse when on the road). 3. Good......
• will the economy someday be run entirely by computers that started out in stock trading? We are now inventing software that can predict the best stocks to invest in short or long term. Someday they may also be able to analyze news reports for relevant keywords or phrases that may affect stock prices. The idea of an auto-trading computer could make these more efficient. Even......
• Has anyone used the "doublingstocks.com"? Has anyone used this engine? I have heard about computer programs that pick stocks that work. There are some hedge fund managers who made billions last year while everyone else lost theirr shirts because they have "secret" mathematical formulas. Such as Jim Simmons and his firm Renaissancee Technologies, go ahead and look him up. Anyway......
• Where Do I Get A Realtime Stock Analysis Software?? In China, there're quite some real time stock softwares. Basically they're the same thing. Offer real time quotes, info, charts, VERY detailed technichal analysis.... People can browse,anaylysis and trade with this software.... Is there such a software in America? I'm a Chinese and would like to get familiar with American......
• What is the best online brokerage for buying stocks in FOREIGN COUNTRIES i.e. not the U.S. ? There are some good values in china it would be nice to buy. I have heard that E-Trade allows you to do some foreign trading but it scares the hell out of me because it looks like they could go out of business at anytime. What would happen if the......
• Wheres the best place for me to trade stocks in my situation? I currently use sharebuilder... But this doesn't really give me the ability to pretend im a day-trader. Its great for monthly investing, but i'd love to be able to up and buy 500 shares of a pennystock to resell shortly thereafter. Sharebuilder doesnt do this for me. problem is, most......
• Why can't I have a robot girlfriend? Hi, I'm a robot "fan". Which means I read Robot magazine, I own and experiment with Lego Mindstorms, and I'm a programmer by trade. I know that one day "Synthotics" (a word I made up) will be a reality. (Synthotics - a branch of robotics specifically concerned with the mimicking......

• Wednesday Lotto AU 750K Today's NSW Lotto is not a lot easier than Monday's. With most numbers looking to come from those within the last 10 draws, and at least 3 or 4 numbers from within 5 draws. Previous draw the Saliu ANY Filters were: 1+ 3+ 6+ 7+ 9+ 16+ All PLUS, strongly......
• What, in your opinion, is the best internet dating service for men? Is it the one where females can join and get full membership for free? I was at Passions.com and had acess because some gal gave me a secret password.It was to good to be true I could'nt believe it. These were all HOT HOT women that were married and wanted......
• Alternative Income Streams Progress - Early December This is the fourth installment tracking of my alternative income streams plan and progress. This month I'm showing very good progress in creating more money outside my job. I had at least 6 Prosper.com loans get verified in the last two weeks and this blog has been getting a little......
• How do I prevent my elbow pain in baseball? I have a very weird case. I used to have big shoulder problems, but I worked it out. Now, when I start to throw, I have a lot of pressure and tension on the inside of my elbow. But when I don't do any throwing for like 15 minutes my......
• One Hundred Pushup Challenge -- Knee Push ups, 1 Handed Knee Pushups, and Full Push ups Well if you haven't heard by now then you aren't paying attention to the Health and Fitness blogosphere... Everyone is doing the 100 push up challenge at 100 push ups.   It is a 6 week training program geared toward a final test where 100 consecutive pushups are completed.  (My first......
• State Default Rates -- A Publishable Application of the RateLadder ListingKey In the past I have talked about my technique for adding a ListingKey to the Loan table of the Prosper.com data export.  While I had successfully added the key several weeks ago I hadn't found an application of the key that I could publish until recently.  A fellow Princetonian and prosper lender......
• Is my USPS Parcel lost or was never shipped? Hi..I am from Pakistan and my uncle who lives in US bought a guitar for me on eBay..He told me that the seller has told him that he shipped the guitar on august 10th through USPS Priority Mail International Service..My uncle gave me a tracking number to track..Its been 16......

With enough knowledge, a person can start from ,000 and have ,000 by the end of the month. And I truly mean enough knowledge, because there is a very high learning curve. But once you reach that stage, the financial rewards are huge. I’m currently making ,000 profit a month and I just learning about trading/investing in stocks, futures/commodities, and options as my main hobby about six months ago. I expect to have enough experience and strategy to be making ,000 profit per month by the end of this year.

Aside from few people in Honolulu who I know also trade successfully, there is barely anyone that I know who has a passing interest in this stuff. So I’m honestly wondering, why don’t more people get into trading/investing when the financial rewards are huge?

Technorati Tags: amp, day trading, financial rewards, futures commodities, honolulu, Investing 101, Investing In Stocks, learning curve, People, Six Months, stocks

• Is it Time for Regime Change in Iran -- and, if so, How Best to do it? Here are some options: 1. Complete cutoff of all trade between USA and Iran (like the Embargo with Cuba). Of particular significance would be parts for oil field replacements. If Iran's oil revenues are cut in half, because of inability to pump, the Regime would be weaker, and more likely......
• What online discount broker would be best if I wanted to buy stock in IPO's & Mutual Funds? I'm looking into getting an online broker, but I want to be able to buy stock in IPO's when they first hit the market as well as a few No-Load mutual funds? Although I'm open to others, so far I've given serious consideration to: 1) Zecco.com 2) Scottrade 3) E*Trade......
• How can you calculate possible return from investing in shares on the Stock Market? HI How can i calculate possible returns from investing in stocks on the Stock market. like i know that you cant predict the future but if a stock was increasing about overall by 8% every 6months or so i could then say how much i could make after a few......
• How to level the playing field at the stock market? Back in the day when RedHat was going public, many of the people who gave their time and talent to making free software and linux were named and shares were reserved for them at the IPO price of each. Most of them were NOT allowed to purchase the shares since......
• I want to get into the stock market... I'm 20, a law student and prepared to do read whatever books I need to? I've heard of people my age gaining a pretty nice income from this but I've never known anything about finance or the stock market. I really don't know where to begin from... any suggestions? I live in Sydney if that matters. Oh, and I don't have much cash :) I......
• If I have $80k Day Trade buying power, can I use the full $80k multiple times in one day...? So, I have a strategy where I want to trade stock in XYZ corp in ,000 blocks anywhere from 5 to 10 times a day, with never holding more than a ,000 block at a time, can I do that with only ,000 worth of day trading buying power? Or......
• Why isn't there a forex currency index? Just like the stocks are combined into NASDAQ for example, then why can't you combine the forex pairs and assign them a mathematical value??? Take a look here: http://www.fxstreet.com/rates-charts/currencies-glance/ Fxstreet lists 34 forex pairs. Benefits: - Less risk.More pairs - less risk. Traders will take advantage because the market is......

• Question for women...bleeding during sex, discharge? Yesterday I started bleeding heavily during sex. It startled me as I had just finished my period a few days earlier. It was not painful during intercourse, we didn't even realize until we were done. The bleeding stopped shortly after. Now I have a yellow-greenish discharge which is making me......
• Lotto numbers all hit from last 4 draws On 7 January 2009, the Australian Lotto numbers all hit from the last 4 draws! That is, all winning numbers came from those of the previous 4 draws, a rare event - see draws below. Lotto Results Australia To optimize lotto games for such an event would give tremendous advantage in......
• Help About What To Do About My Dad? Okay. This is a little long-winded. Sorry x Around May 2008, I found my Dad on Friends Reunited Dating claiming that he was divorced and had no children. Since then, he's just progressed to becoming more unfaithful. For example: - He's created a Facebook account with 500 women friends who......
• Question for women...bleeding during sex, discharge? Yesterday I started bleeding heavily during sex. It startled me as I had just finished my period a few days earlier. It was not painful during intercourse, we didn't even realize until we were done. The bleeding stopped shortly after. Now I have a yellow-greenish discharge which is making me......
• Widgi Creek Golf Club, Bend, OR Widgi Creek Golf Club is located in: Bend, OR Phone: (541) 382-4449 Website: http://www.widgi.com/golf/hours.cfm Course History: This is a great place to stop if you will be in the Bend, OR area. We fell in love with this course and can't wait to go back. It is extremely beautiful and......
• Monday Lotto AU 1million Once again, sticking to the same strategy followed the last few draws, small numbers under 33, and derived from previous 7 draws or less. These are the 2 factors due to come into play, maybe seperately, maybe together. It is taking a bit of a punt, but using both factors......
• Powerball AU 40 million Tonight's Powerball Jackpot of AU $40 million is the biggest ever offered on Australian Powerball. If one person wins the entire $40 million Jackpot, they will become Australia’s largest ever lottery winner! It is good value to have a go today, even if they are hard to pick. The Saliu......

Relationships:
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled ‘All Men Are Idiots.’ Then she will get on with her life. A mail has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3 am on a Sunday morning, he will call and say, ‘I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us.’ This is known as the ‘I Hate You, I Love You’ drunken phone call and 99 percent of all men have made it at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex:
Women prefer 30 to 40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 to 40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men do. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:
Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:
A man has five items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampetts’ car on The Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10?items?or?less lane.

Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a van and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old American sitcoms.

Eating Out:
When the bill comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in bills, even though it’s only for .50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any, shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald boyfriend’s/father’s heads.

Menopause: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, biological Changes. Nature provokes a uniform reaction in men. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

Richard Gere:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because lie reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:
Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TVs. Cell phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six big batteries to operate.

Locker Rooms:
In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don’t know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room: sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men will only show their arse, because arse size doesn’t really matter.

Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Ramone.

Time:
When a woman says she’ll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she’s using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.

Friends:
Women on a ‘girls’ night out’ talk the whole time. Men on a ‘boys’ night out’ say about 20 words all night, most of which are ‘Pass the chips’ or ‘Got am more beer?’

Toilets:
Men use toilets for purely biological reasons. Women use toilets as social lounges. Men in toilets will never speak a word to each other. Women who’ve never met will leave a toilet giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, ‘Hey Tom, I, was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me
Yes, I know, it is verrryyyyy long lol.

Technorati Tags: baseball cards, community colleges, floozy, Groceries, grocery shopping, gym class, Heart, lol, Mail, Maturity, men are idiots, naked men, naked woman, naked women, need sex, Poem, Relationship, Relationships, school romances, sex women, shaving cream, Six Months, Sunday Morning, toothbrush, typical woman, wedgies, women women, work of art

• Nanoscopic Police Enforcement good or bad? possible? 20 to 200 yrs in the future depending on the circumstance of events. Pharmaceutical, Genetic, and Robotic company's will merge together to create social standards a firm economic grip on the "free market" and spawn array positives and negatives into day to day life from what kinds of medications you......
• Why do Canadians seem to assume Americans are pro-Harper and pro-Alberta (province)? This is what is mindboggling to me. I live near Washington, DC, USA and there have been 2 major Canadian events in the last 2 years: 1) Alberta, Canada represented in the Smithsonian Folklife Festival with lots of folklore and bison burgers and Molsen on a hot and humid July......
• now that the real problems facing america can't be so easily hiden,? should ron paul run as a independent. even fox is talking about how right he is Time to Listen to Ron Paul? By Elizabeth MacDonald Time to listen to Texas Congressman Ron Paul, the lone voice of reason in Congress today who’s got to feel like he’s shouting into a......
• Open letter to Obama from Former PM of Malaysia:? This is an extract from an open letter sent to President Obama by the Former Prime Minister of Malaysia Dr. Mahathir Bin Mohammad. If you were in Obama's place, what reply would you have given. Mature and detailed replies are welcome. January 1, 2009 Dear Mr. President, I did not......
• Do you like my book so far? PREFACE They say your life could change forever in a matter of hours. Well, I hadn’t really given much thought to that statement until it happened to me. This is the story of how my life changed before I even had a chance to think about what was happening. CHAPTER......
• Jokes for Women and some other gender jokes? before the jokes just won't to let you know I'm not trying to offend anyone I'm good person don't judge me by jokes please here are my blonde jokes they are really funny. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjppTMi1qB0caFMi2wSRAl_WxQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20071106151918AAx7Pto Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.......
• Should we give money to poor ppl? ZAKAAT (Alms) Ramadan is the month of giving and benevolence, the Messenger was more benevolent than a falling rain. Muslims are encouraged to emulate the Messenger of Allah (saas), to assess and pay their Zakaat during the month of Ramadan, thus combining the two pillars of Islam at the same......

• Weakonomics Weekend Edition: TinyURL.com Edition So my friends, what did you get for the holidays?  If you go back a few weeks you can see I wanted the following for Christmas: A few business books Gift card to Kohls for work clothes Lego Star Wars for Nintendo Wii Cheap Tom Tom GPS navigation system And......
• Monday Lotto AU 1.5million Recent G Network private in-house lotto games have been returning a profit, over the last few weeks. With a view to tracking the outlay-to-return ratio, from today, all G Network suggestions will be in the form of "optimized games" based upon the work of Saliu. In the running of the......
• Start Investing P2P Lending I have been investing in p2p lending on Prosper since July 06. I consider it an alternative asset class and orthgonal to the stock market.  I am regularly asked if someone should invest in p2p lending... I think the answer is a loud and clear yes! But before you rush......
• Monday Lotto AU 1million The last 3 draws have been pretty amazing with the smallest number in each draw being 19 20 21, and most numbers coming from the top of the field (big). The Saliu ANY Filters have been large and point to a drop, ie: all 6 numbers for 1st prize will......
• Why do catholics believe these things? Question~ "Why is it that Catholic doctrine states the Pope is infallible" God says "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in MAN" Psalm 118:8 "As it is written, There is NONE righteous, NO NOT ONE:" Romans 3:10 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question~ "Why does Catholic doctrine state......
• An Investment Average of 10% won't Guarantee Success An Investment Average of 10% won't Guarantee Success I saw a great advertisement released by my office's parent company today; I have never released what my office's parent company is...and I am not about to start now! Notwithstanding my obsession with privacy, I couldn't get over this info and felt like I......
• Need advice on cheating spouse? OK, caught him redhanded...finally last week after 9 months of suspecting and knowing without proof. Wouldn't take his calls or return his text messages for 2 days and he KEPT trying. This is the most attention he has given me in months. I made him take an available apratment and......

before the jokes just won’t to let you know I’m not trying to offend anyone I’m good person don’t judge me by jokes please here are my blonde jokes they are really funny. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjppTMi1qB0caFMi2wSRAl_WxQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20071106151918AAx7Pto

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled ‘All Men Are Idiots’ Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, ‘I just called to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But, I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us.’

This is known as the ‘I Hate You I Love You’ drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made it at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don’t know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker: sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

MAGAZINES: Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and shouldn’t be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of the items.

GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or- less lane.

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old American sitcoms.

MIRRORS: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, Joe Garagiola’s head.

MENOPAUSE: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction…he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

TOYS: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TV’s. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six ‘D’ batteries to operate.

MOVIES: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men will only show their butts, because butt size doesn’t really matter.

JEWELRY: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Ramone.

TIME: When a woman says she’ll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she’s using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.

FRIENDS: Women on a girl’s night out talk the whole time. Men on a boy’s night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are ‘Pass the Doritos’ or Got anymore beer?’

RESTROOMS: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each other. Women who’ve never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, ‘Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?’
Sorry it is so long
star if you like the jokes

Technorati Tags: blonde jokes, community colleges, eggs, empty woman, female impersonator, floozy, Gender Jokes, girlfriends, good person, happy woman, Jokes For Women, laughing man, locker room men, locker rooms, men are idiots, phone call, Poem, question index, Saturday Night, Six Months, temple woman, Women Jokes, women women, yahoo

• Is thye political leadership a Myth ?? more cost than benefit ?? Elections? In this dreadful election season, many politicians have promised to "lead us into the future." I can hardly think of a worse fate for any society than to be led into the future by the political class of gangsters, marauders, looters, and liars. Even the most honest and well-intended among......
• Is thye political leadership a Myth ?? more cost than benefit ?? Elections? In this dreadful election season, many politicians have promised to "lead us into the future." I can hardly think of a worse fate for any society than to be led into the future by the political class of gangsters, marauders, looters, and liars. Even the most honest and well-intended among......
• Do you like my book so far? PREFACE They say your life could change forever in a matter of hours. Well, I hadn’t really given much thought to that statement until it happened to me. This is the story of how my life changed before I even had a chance to think about what was happening. CHAPTER......
• Tell me what you think of Obama and why? Tell me what you think of Obama and why? Lets have some facts stated first. Here are just a couple of the bad things he's done so far. Obama has basically created 8 trillion dollars and we dont know whats happened to most of it. Obama doesnt support an audit......
• Do you like the book i wrote so far? I stared out the window as the rain poured down the thin glass panes of the cheap school windows. That was about the most entertaining thing that was available for me to do right now. Listening to Mr. Dally drone on and on about some war in history class was......
• My living Testimony on Jesus? My proof that Jesus is the Son Of G--? Love one another as I love you. Only then, will people know that you are my disciples. Why argue? If Jesus is G-- or of G--, does it change your Faith in Jesus? If the Holy Spirit is G-- or of......
• Would I Make a good President Of The United States? Never made over 20,000 dollars, I have the ability to Understand People. Believe everyone deserves oppurtunity and should have a job. would do this as a President, First to boost the economy, I rescend the 787 billion for Government projects because government projects only stimulate government power. As part of......

• Widgi Creek Golf Club, Bend, OR Widgi Creek Golf Club is located in: Bend, OR Phone: (541) 382-4449 Website: http://www.widgi.com/golf/hours.cfm Course History: This is a great place to stop if you will be in the Bend, OR area. We fell in love with this course and can't wait to go back. It is extremely beautiful and......
• My husband had an affair with my best friend...What should I do? My husband had an affair with my best friend...What should I do? I just found out through a saved e-mail on my husbands phone that he had a 4 month affair with my best friend whom I've known since grade school. I would never in a million years suspected that......
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Relationships
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots”. Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us”. This is known as the “I Hate You / I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Maturity
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken- scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reached the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Shoes
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

Leg Warmers
A woman, even if she’s walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the “Gimme the Ball” number in “A Chorus Line.”

Going Out
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup…

Cats
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Offspring
Ah!, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail etc. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Laundry
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of “Love, American Style.”

Socks
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have pictures of clouds on them, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Nicknames
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain and Useless.

Eating Out
… and when the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in bills, even though it’s only for .50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors
Men are vain; they will always check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, car windows, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head.

The Telephone
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Directions
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there.” and, “I know I’m in the general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store.”

Admitting Mistakes
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.

Toys
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TV’s. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 “D” batteries to operate.

Plants
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Cameras
Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out 00 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course women always end up taking better pictures.

Jewelry
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer.

Technorati Tags: Adults, baseball cards, checkout counter, chicken scratch, community colleges, credit men, dial soap, Females, floozy, Groceries, grocery shopping, gym class, Handwriting, Heart, M 111, Maturity, men are idiots, penmanship, Poem, Relationship, Relationships, Saturday Night, school romances, shaving cream, Six Months, smiley face, toothbrush, toothpaste, typical woman, wedgies

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